Filed under: Reminds me of a story..., Trends, being mummy | Tags: children, christmas, holidays, rudolph the red nose reindeer, santa, the santa clause
It seems that the Christmas season has officially begun.
I know that most people don’t start their Christmas countdown until December officially starts, but I always start getting excited just after my birthday – it’s one of the things I love about having a birthday at the end of the year. I can go straight out of birthday celebrations and head first into Christmas. What can I say, I absolutely love this time of year and the sooner I can start being excited about it, the better.
Anyways, I went shopping the other day to find that the Christmas trees and decorations had been put up, and Christmas carols were blasting over the sound systems. Ah, how I love the holidays. I took the kids to see Santa, which is always an absolute blast, and also means that I can sneakily find out what the kids want for my Christmas mummy duties as Santa.
Now, what makes this year the most exciting of all, is that the kids are now old enough to hear all of the Christmas stories, understand who Santa is, and get as excited as I do. Not that I haven’t tried to explain it to them every other year, but they just really didn’t understand anything past “wow, we’re getting lots of presents for no good reason! Cool!”
Finally I have them jumping around going “Santa is coming! He brings us presents for Christmas! Christmas is coming!”
However, along with understanding Santa and Christmas and everything else, come the many millions of questions. With kids, there are always questions.
It wasn’t until now that I realise just how hard it is to come up with a Santa story that 4 year old boys will believe. Young children are a lot harder to convince than people would have you believe. So, here is a little snapshot into
- So, Santa lives in the North Pole with his reindeer and his elves. The elves help Santa all year long, making toys for all the kids in the world. Just before Christmas, all the boys and girls go to see Santa to tell him what they really want for Christmas, so he knows which presents to give to which children. On Christmas Eve, Santa packs up his sleigh with all the toys, and his reindeer fly him around to all of the houses so he can leave the presents for all of the children. He lands the sleigh on each rooftop, and climbs down the chimney to leave all the presents under the Christmas tree and in the stockings.
- “His reindeer fly?” *insert raised eyebrow here*
- Yup, that’s right. Santa has magic reindeer that can fly him around the world to deliver all the presents. *insert DVD of the movie Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer here*
- “How does he get around the world in one night?”
- Ah, I thought you would ask that. You see, it’s not the same time all around the world. When it’s night time here, it’s actually day time on the other side of the world. So, he has plenty of time to get around to all of the houses. (See what I did there? I used fact, and coupled it with the idea that my children have no real concept of time. Awesome, right?)
- “Oh ok….But how does he get in to all the houses?”
- He climbs down the chimney honey.
- “But what if you don’t have a chimney?”
- Well…Santa is magic, remember? He can make a chimney even if you don’t have one. *insert DVD of The Santa Clause here*
If you’re thinking “oh, is that all? That isn’t so bad…” oh there was more. There were hours of questions and explanations and movies. In the end, the children were satisfied, and I walked away wondering how on earth I ever believed the stories my parents used to feed to me. As an adult it all seems a bit absurd. But, then again, my kids think that Sesame Street is an actual street, and Ben 10 is a real person. If there is going to be any story they believe, I’m glad it’s the Santa story.
Needless to say my children are now massive Santa fanatics, asking everyone they meet what they want Santa to bring for Christmas, and their new favourite movies are Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and The Santa Clause.
I truly can’t wait for this Christmas. It’s going to be the best one yet.
Filed under: Life, Lighten up Thursday, part of being me, party time | Tags: birthday
I think I’m almost a week late with this post now, but better late than never. That’s what they say, right? Even though I’m sick and feel like doodie (which for some reason seems to have become my favourite way of describing being sick this week), I have had to take the day off and therefore finally have the time to actually write.
For those of you who missed it, Sunday was my birthday. Woot to me! (I have taken to explaining my sudden flu as my body physically rejecting being older. Meh, it works).
Anyway, to get you up to date, I haven’t had a good birthday in a long time. I know, boo hoo to me, but for real guys, my birthdays have pretty much bitten it since I was about sixteen. I won’t go into detail because…well, because I started to and realised it was a mixture of boring, long and self pitying. I think it’s all a part of what I like to call the ‘end of year curse’ that seems to have arisen over the past few years, but that’s a whole different story. Last year was sure a step in the right direction – the actual day was pretty much a bust, but the party that followed was pretty damn awesome. This year, however, I think I finally broke the streak of bad birthdays.
On the Friday, I had after work drinks with a select couple of people I work with, which was more fun than it sounds.
After Saturday, I now have no right to accuse my Prince of not listening to me; the entire day consisted of things he has slowly but surely picked up on over the past year. In the morning he booked a two hour massage for me, due to the fact that every now and then he spots me rubbing at my own shoulders to get them to loosen up. Heeeaaaaven. After that, we all went out to lunch at a place near the beach, because he remembered me mentioning the fact that I’d been there once and enjoyed it. When we got home, he had managed to smuggle in cheesecake (my favourite dessert, faaar more than cake) from my favourite cheesecake place and a bottle of my favourite brand of strawberry champagne. Not the stupid pink champagne that masquerades as strawberry, but actual strawberry champagne. After the kids went to bed, he played Dance Dance Revolution with me for hours, long after he was bored with it.
Then on Sunday, I was allowed to sleep in to a completely unreasonable time in the morning, and the Prince took care of the kids all day while I lounged about. On top of that, everyone remembered my birthday.
I know it doesn’t sound like anything fancy, but it was absolutely fantastic. Maybe it’s an omen – maybe 23 is going to be a great year.
Filed under: Issues, Manic Mondays, hijacking thought trains, not happy jan, outings, party time, you have to be kidding me | Tags: clubbing, government, lockout, queensland, shutout
Ok, so before I go into anything else for this week, I am going to weigh in on an issue that seems to be a hot topic around here lately. Namely, the 2am lockout for clubs in Qld.
For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, in 2006 a (national? I’m not sure on that one…) 2am lockout was introduced in clubs and pubs. Now, what this means is that by 2am you need to be in whichever venue you want to stay in for the rest of the night; if you leave a club or simply get stuck on the way from one to another after it hits 2am, it’s home time for you. No one is allowed to enter a club or pub past this time, even if you just popped outside for a smoke or some fresh air.
The Queensland government now wants to push up this lockout to midnight, and close all the clubs at 2am. So, you are stuck in whichever club you’re in from 12am, and at 2am everyone will be kicked out onto the streets.
There are so many issues that come along with this idea it’s not even funny. You have obvious ramifications like people getting drunker a lot faster and earlier to try and compensate for the lack of time. The inevitable increase in violence that comes along with that. This puts a further strain on the already pushed-to-the-limit police presence in any places where this lockout is enforced.
Beyond the obvious, you have implications for the hospitality industry itself. Hospitality workers having to deal with a greater number of much more intoxicated people. Losing hours and therefore money due to the lockout. The inevitable number of people deciding not to go out in places that enforce the ban at all, especially when they have to travel to do so, which will therefore leave a huge hole in the hospitality industry. Also the fact that you are messing with one of the biggest revenue sources for places in Queensland such as The Valley and the Gold Coast.
Oh, but that’s still not all. You also have the issue of people being stuck with no way to get home – can you imagine how difficult it will be to get a cab at 2am? That is hard enough to do as it is with clubs closing at 5am, let alone at 2am with everyone kicked out on to the streets at the same time. You also have the cost of running public transport at all hours of the night where it would not normally run. And that is if people even choose to take public transport, which is dangerous enough to do as the sun is rising.
So why does the government want to enforce this lockout/shutdown? Because they think it is going to solve any violence problems we have that arise after people have had a big night out. Um, yeah how about no. When I was living in Melbourne, there was no lockout, and clubs were open until 10am. Without saying that problems didn’t exist, because that would be naive, I have to admit there was not nearly as much violence as there is in Queensland on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Also, by the time people actually got out of the clubs, it was daylight and everyone just kind of moved on and went home. It kind of puts you off any violent or disorderly behaviour when you walk out of a club into the daylight with people bustling about their day around you. Also, I found people were more chilled out during the night, because everyone knew they still had hours to party, and eased off on the heavy drinking in a short space of time idea. By the time the clubs closed, people were already sobering up.
I was talking to my friend at work the other day who is from England, and he was telling me that clubs work like that over there as well. The amount of problems they have in comparison to Queensland post lockout are negligible. Even compared to Queensland pre lockout with a 5am shutout. There is a reason other states and countries are taking this approach – it works. Obviously the lockout does not, or else we wouldn’t still be trying to come up with solutions for problems that were meant to be stopped by the original lock out.
On a personal level, the lockout and shutout do not really bother me. The amount of times I actually go out these days is negligible, and when I do, the amount of times I stay out past 1 in the morning are few and far between. However, whether or not it affects me on a large scale personally does not negate the fact that even I am smart enough to see the numerous problems and implications this idea will bring about. Also, I do like having the option of going out, and when I do I want to be safe and able to have fun, and have the option of having a long night out when the mood strikes me.
Come on, Queensland government, what are you doing?!
So, what is your take on the lockout/shutout idea? Right? Wrong? Idiotic? Smart? Would you support it, or fight it, and why?
Filed under: Career Girl, Family, Life, month in review, reflecting | Tags: im not dead, recap
Ok, so apart from some out of context ranting and a rather half hearted edition of lighten up Thursday, the past two weeks have been rather barren for my poor, neglected blog. I have missed my usual end of month post as well, it seems. November kind of snuck up on me this year – it took me until two days ago to realise I was still writing 10 when I was dating things. Oops.
Anyways, for all of those people still waiting for a recap (which seems to be a few, judging from my stats – thanks guys!), here it goes.
Over the past two weeks things have been surprisingly different. I have started a new job, met some new people, caught up with some old friends, made some plans, the kids have come back from their holiday, situations have changed…needless to say I have lost track of time a little. I am in a remarkably different frame of mind to tell the truth – financially, emotionally, within myself.
The place I am working at now is actually pretty ok. The job itself isn’t all that, but the people are fantastic and the atmosphere is great. It’s the first place I’ve worked where I can honestly say I get along with everyone – I seem to have ended up a part of a very eclectic group of people. The fantastic group of girls I have fallen in with pretty much let me laugh my way through work every day. There is a guy there who is pretty much an exact replica of the Prince (only English), and he just happens to live two streets down from me, which means I have someone to annoy and laugh with on the way to work and the way home (However, I think if I mention their similarities to either one of them again they might strangle me. I can’t help it though – they really need to stop saying the exact same things as each other). I love that they can all take my weird and crazy habits and explain them as cute and endearing. Lucky for me they are all just as crazy I guess.
I managed to spend some much needed quality time with the Prince while the kids were away, which of course was absolutely amazing. I love date nights.
I’ve gotten in touch with some old friends who I have been inexcusably neglecting over the past few months, and made plans to meet up very very soon. It’s great to talk to old friends again and realise that they really are still your friends. We have all been there, so I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.
We have managed to get ourselves out of a somewhat sticky financial situation and therefore alleviated a great deal of stress. I always love when that happens. This also means that we have finally been able to pay for our car to finish being fixed, so we can go and pick it up next week!
There have been some not so great goings-on as well: my uncle was in the hospital for a heart bypass, my mum has been declared (that sounds very official, doesn’t it?) legally blind and has been told she now has to use one of those blind people walking stick things (ok, and now not so official sounding), and the MIL is slowly getting over a rather painful and unfortunate back injury. As well as one of the Prince’s friends being a bit of a bum and my having to admit an unsalvageable situation despite my initial denial and protest. With the good comes the bad, huh?
I have had some really interesting conversations, for some reason many about 2012 (which I will go into at a later date, if for nothing more than me wondering why everyone else had all the info before I did), one day which it has been decided will from this point forth be referred to as “all genres in one day” day (with thanks to Bob for offering up comedy at the last minute) and played way too many games of dance dance revolution with the Prince.
All in all, it has been a rather busy, productive, fun and packed few weeks. Also, because it’s now November, I can get on everyone’s nerves with my a-little-too-excited countdown to Christmas! Kicking off with a night out with a fantastic group of people next weekend.
Ah, how I love this time of year.
Filed under: That was kind of emo of me..., on topic, part of being me, reflecting
I have been doing some very heavy thinking over the last few days.
It would be evident from the last post that this was bound to happen, and it’s a good thing that this prompted me to do some thinking in order to sort things out in my own head. My thinking is not going to benefit anyone else, as 1) I doubt very much that anyone has anything invested in the outcome of my thinking and 2) no one who was involved will be reading this anymore, but it has given me a chance to establish exactly what went wrong, why and how I can fix it. It’s fine to make mistakes, but only if you learn from them; every one upsets people, lets people down, makes a fool of themselves, has a bad night/day/year or does things they immensely regret. It happens. Its part of life, and once it’s done, there is nothing you can do to change the fact that it happened. But what separates people is that some put it down to “oh well, I’m sure I will redeem myself eventually”, and carry on hoping that everyone will forget about it. Others sit down and think about it, and solve the problem so that they don’t have to keep redeeming themselves. I chose to do the latter. If I pretended that nothing ever happened, everything was fine or that it wasn’t really my fault, what would I be achieving? Absolutely nothing, other than making everyone feel justified in putting me in that box forever.
In my last post I did little more than give a brief of what went down, and admitted that I was at fault for some reason or another. This in itself does nothing, other than make people aware of my weaknesses. It is a step, but it is not a conclusion as far as I’m concerned.
What exactly was it that prompted my horrid behaviour to begin with? Sure it was over indulgence, and sure I (sadly) don’t even remember doing most of the things I did, but that is not what started it, that is what brought it all out. In a really extreme way, but all the same. As for where it all started, I’m not even sure where to begin.
I know, or should know by now, that over indulging when I have issues is never a good idea. A majority of the time, at least nine out of ten, I have a handle on my behaviour. Sure I do silly things, but silly in a way that we will laugh about it in the morning. I know my limits and am the first to put my hand up when I think they have been reached or crossed. When I have issues, my awareness of my limits goes out the window. I become that girl you get embarrassed for. And those issues come out in spades. It’s a tragedy from the get go.
The funny thing is, I went out with the intention of having a slow night. I was going to have fun, sure, but I wasn’t going to have a big night. I had resigned myself to that idea. I knew that I wanted to get a feel for the situation before I had a big night within the situation. And that brings me to the beginning.
Over the past few weeks I had been having worries about my friendship. I even brought this to the fore during my blog week. The phone calls had died off, as had the messages. The invites had ceased. I had started to feel like I wasn’t welcome to call whenever I had something awesome to share, and that he wasn’t really interested in the idea of seeing me. This wasn’t really the case I’m sure, but my mind was in a bad place as it was, so I was over reacting to everything, including this. He started up a new friendship around the same time so, somehow, my mind had joined the two events together. Not because of her specifically, but because she was the one getting the phone calls and invites and what have you. Yes, jealousy. She was the kind of person I just wasn’t, and rather than realising he liked us both for different reasons, I thought that he had ‘grown out of me’ because I wasn’t that person. This was different to the other friends I had met, even when he was close to them, simply because even though he grew close to them, my relationship with him didn’t change because of it. He became close with both (or all) of us. In this case, it felt like the more his relationship with her strengthened, the more distant ours became.
Now, had I met up with them in a different situation I would have realised the error of my thoughts. Isolation had meant I was making everything worse than it was. The silly thing is that I KNEW this. And up until a certain point in the night, I was getting over it. Had I just stuck to the plan, everything would have been fine. But no. I got to a point where every thought I had been having came pouring out.
Now, I was going on about being “number one”, but that is not what I really meant. Those were just the words I apparently found. I know that there are no numbers, no ranking system. As I said, even before it had not worried me him becoming close with other people because my relationship with him never changed; I didn’t consider myself “number one”, I just was what I was and they were what they were. The same with him and my friends. They were separate and different and not interchangeable, which is true. In this case, I felt like I was being compared to her, for all the reasons I have mentioned. I believe that what I was trying to say, very badly, was that I was scared she had taken my place. That she was now his grace, his best friend, and that I was just a tag along. My relationship with him was very important to me, and it didn’t bother me that they were getting close, I just didn’t want that to mean I was being pushed away. Since I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, it came out very differently. To be honest, I don’t remember the exact conversation; all I can say is what I know was going on in my head. I still don’t think there is some kind of ranking system, nor did I at the time. It is like when I came back after years of being away and I was unsure of what our relationship would be like when I got back, only this time I felt like I was being compared to someone.
So, in the end, my problem is this: I didn’t deal with my issues when I should have. Rather than asking why things had changed because I didn’t want to seem too needy in my isolated state, I assumed and made myself too needy. I cared too much of what my best friend thought of me, instead of accepting that he already knows my flaws, and ended up making him think badly of me and added new flaws to his image of me. You see, that has always been my issue. I have always felt like he was too good for me, and that I was replaceable to him. So this is what I need to deal with. I need to learn that my friends know me, and that they know when something is up; instead of trying to hide it from them in the hopes that that will make me seem like a better friend, I need to just face up to things. I am not someone else, and I will never be. And that is ok; if they are going to be my friend, they will despite my flaws and because of the fact that I am not like someone else. I don’t need to fight for something I already have. Or in this case, I guess, already had.
The person involved said that I have done this more than once, in different ways. I’m sure that for him to say that it must be true; I am not disputing that it must be the way I have come across at more than one point in time for him to think that. To me, I have never reacted with jealousy in that way before, not with him. Sure, I have disliked some of his friends. Sure, I have pointed out things that I thought were issues, which he may not have agreed with. And sure, I may have reacted to people in a certain way because of complaints he made about them even when he was only venting…but all of those things were spurred either by a personal feeling towards a person with no influence from him, or out of pure concern/care/etc for him. But I still played nice if he chose to be friends with those people. It may have come across as jealousy, but it wasn’t, not really. Though, admittedly there has been times where I have double checked he was not ‘replacing’ me, but that was more out of distance – where I wanted to know the status of our friendship i.e. whether or not he had grown past it after being separated for long periods. I mean, honestly, it happens, especially through distance. He also said that the care, etc that he gives to me I do not give back. On this occasion, that is fair, but in general I don’t believe that to be a fair statement. He obviously disagrees, but I still beg to differ. (I would like to point out at this point that I am not saying this to deliberately disagree with him or any reason other than those are the only statements he made that I do not believe to be entirely fair. Again, he may disagree and that is fine).
And don’t worry, this will be my last post on the subject. I just needed to get it out.
Filed under: Issues, That was kind of emo of me..., ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, hijacking thought trains
I’m going to be handing out a warning. This post is most definitely written with a couple of people in mind, and it probably reveals a little more than what I should in a public forum, however I think that the time for holding back on this particular topic is well past. It is very personal, so I’ll just let everybody know that if you don’t care to read about things that shouldn’t be posted in a public forum, you probably shouldn’t read this.
I have been thinking for the past three days, very intently and honestly, about one thing in particular. I have been completely ignoring a time bomb that has now blown up all over me. And rightly so.
For all of the excuses I try to give, and whichever motives I convince myself I have in mind, there has been a problem I have been refusing to look at. I may blame it on a certain event or something ‘beyond my control’, or alcohol, depending on the location or situation…but in reality, the problem is not something that can be that easily explained.
Effectively, I have torn apart an old friendship and ruined any chance of a new friendship because of my own insecurities.
Now, the latter was a potential new friendship with an honestly wonderful girl. You may have noticed from my last post that I didn’t exactly have a fabulous night out the other night. I effectively spent the entire night making a perfectly fabulous girl believe that I was the bitch from hell. I talked endlessly about how wonderful my relationship with our mutual friend was, how long I have been around, that she could never take my place, on and on and on simply because I had some inbuilt fear that I was the opposite of that – I was replaceable. I had convinced myself that I didn’t like her, or that she was some kind of threat to my friendship. But you see, I did like her. She was wonderful, and very patient with my evil witch rants, and she has been an excellent friend to our friend. Despite my insecure and ugly behaviour, she made sure to reassure me that she was, in fact, no threat to me at all. The thing was, while my insecurities came pouring out, I intermittently proclaimed my adoration for her. This was true. I know that had it not been for my twisted relationship with our mutual friend, I would have lavished her with much deserved attention and praise. Even when it was all over, and I had to face my behaviour in the hard light of day, she replied to my apology text with “don’t worry about it”. Somehow, in my mind at the time, all of this amazing personality made me more justified. How that makes sense, even I don’t know.
As for my long time friend, I embarrassed him, I essentially stomped all over this new friendship that he was so proud of and I was just in general the friend he wished he never had. Rather than accepting that there was more than enough room for more people than just me, I forced him to say that I would always be number one.
I held in every single ounce of jealousy and insecurity that I had, and spewed it all over them in the space of 12 hours. I released all of my specific jealousies on to them, and then turned that onto anyone who happened to approach us over the space of the night. Then, rather than admitting openly what I had come to realise the next day, I explained the behaviour away with too much of this or that.
Over the years, both me and my friend have had many different friends. Sometimes the same ones, sometimes separately. As it is in any friendship, and as it should be. There have been times where we have lived miles apart. Through all of this, I have been fine. Over the past year or two, I have been friends with some of his female friends. Rightly so, he has great taste in people. And his male friends are never a problem. There have been cases where I haven’t liked his friends before, but usually for valid reason; sometimes from personality issues and sometimes from honest care for him. This time, though, I had no real reason. No justification. No excuse.
I care about him, and I honestly want him to be happy, and I (whether naively or not) believe that I have been working under that idea for years. In this case, though, I undermined his happiness.
To be honest, it had nothing to do with his friend; however I took it out on her. Heck, it wasn’t even solely to do with him. It was a me thing. I have an issue with being replaced, overlooked, abandoned…whatever you want to call it. I have somehow directed that fear onto him, and held on for dear life. In the process, I have ripped his arm off and beat his friend over the head with it. Rather than just admitting that, and dealing with it, I have spewed it out all over everyone and brought about the same conclusion I was scared of. And I take complete and total responsibility for that.
Blaming any substance is just an excuse for it bringing out your true feelings. And this time, it brought out my insecurities and fear. To be honest, it scares me that I was so worried about a friendship that had been so strong. I had no reason to believe that it was falling apart, other than twisting things in my own head. When he became friends with her, I moved aside a little in his scope. Rather than viewing that as giving a new friendship a chance to blossom, I took it as mine wilting. In reality my place had not changed anywhere but in my own head. And that is my problem. Rather than talking to him about it at the time, which would have avoided this whole ordeal, I pretended I didn’t care (not very well I might add) and let it add up in my head until it became…this. I became so worried about pushing him away, that I shoved him out the door.
Now, I have to deal with the fact that it is going to take a long time for me to seem like the person I was a few months ago, if that ever does happen again. I have gone from being Grace, to being a tractor. I effectively made him a liar for anything good he had said about me, and made a fool of myself for trying to convince myself that a wonderful girl was an evil wench.
All that is left to say is that I screwed up, majorly, and I need to take this space and time to work through whatever issues caused this in the first place. And hope like hell that Will still needs a Grace when it’s all over.
Filed under: Issues, That was kind of emo of me..., Trends, isnt it ironic, letter, on topic, outings, party time | Tags: open letter, parties, youth
Dear Partying,
I never thought that we would have to have this conversation. I have been enjoying your company for many years now, admittedly more years than I should have. You showed up when I was 16, and haven’t left my side since. You have been my escape, my fun and my gateway to friendship.
Though, now I realise, that ours has been a very toxic relationship.
Where you have brought me nights of fun, you have also brought me days of doubt and, I hate to say, shame. Where you have brought me friends, you have also brought upon me glaring looks and snide comments from fellow partiers. Where you have been my escape, you have also made me want to escape from your aftermath.
(Ah, how dramatic I can be when I try)
I fear that I have outgrown you, and the time has come for us to part ways.
I am too old for this crap. Too old to sit at home the morning after and assure myself that I have not been made a fool in front of people that I don’t know. I am too old to take two days to remember one nights worth of antics. Too old to send out pre-emptive apologies to everyone I may have annoyed/yelled at/said something out of place to. Definitely too old to have to check my phone for stray calls and messages that may possibly leave me wishing I didn’t carry my mobile with me.
Granted, I always enjoy you immensely at the time. And there are times where you and I have no beef; where I will come home with happy memories, no headache and a wish to join you again as soon as possible. But there are other times where I enjoy you a little too much, where I take days to get over you, where I do silly things I wouldn’t have thought to do without you egging me on. And it’s those things I don’t need. Even one time out of five is too many for me now.
We have become less and less friends the older I have gotten, and I have seen less and less of you over the past few years, so this will come as no surprise to you.
It’s not all your fault, I know. I get too caught up in the atmosphere, I sit too close to the bar, or I reach for my money a little too readily. It’s not you, it is us together.
It is time for me to admit my age, and admit my intolerance for all that you entail. I am going to move on with dancing, with days in the sun, with dinner and drinks, with nights at home with friends and music, with nights out sans the morning after. I have had more fun over the past couple of years with them than I have with you, I’m sorry.
Maybe every now and then we can catch up, albeit in a less ‘hardcore’ way…but for now, we just aren’t working out. There is a person I want to be, and you are not a part of that in the way that you used to be. I would rather spend time with my friends, and with my partner, in a way that I can actually talk to them, spend time with them and have fun with them without losing each other, embarrassing each other, yelling over music at each other and having to regroup to remember exactly what we did.
Despite the dramatic tone of this, you have been awesome, and I have enjoyed you greatly, but it is time for you us to both move on. I’m sure we will run into each other eventually, and say hi, but that will be it for us.
I have thought about this every time I have spent time with you over the past year, and each time I think it is just a one off thing, and about a week later I am back on your side. But now I realise that if I’m thinking this every time we part ways, it’s probably time to call it quits.
Well, this week has been really, really busy. It has been filled with its share of dramatic, sad and frustrating moments, but it has had its fair share of reasonably good, funny and cool moments as well. To lighten up your Thursday this week, I’m going to share the highlights of my week with you.
- The kids went for a holiday at the grandparents’. This means some rare quality time for me and the Prince. I miss my babies, but I have to admit I’m really enjoying the couple time we are getting out of it. (PS – Please bring my babies home soon…)
- I got to meet up with NOG for the first time in about…two months. Wow, that’s not cool. We got to spend about two hours talking, bitching, catching up and generally hanging out and smoking too much.
- I finally got my learners licence back! I let it expire a few years back, when I decided the chances of me actually getting enough hours behind the wheel to get my licence was fruitless. What this meant for me, was facing the dreaded road rules test again. No, I hadn’t studied. I just crossed my fingers and wrote down what I assumed to be common sense answers, and hoped that I didn’t get more than three wrong. Guess what? I got every question right! Who’s the queen of road rules? I am!
- I finally managed to get a job. This is very exciting, if you have been following me for the past few weeks.
- One of my bosses is almost an exact replica of the doctor out of Doctor Who (please refer to the series with Billie Piper). He looks exactly like him, has all the same mannerisms, and even has the British accent. It is awesome.
- Another one of my bosses looks and acts almost exactly like Ryan Shelton from Rove. This is also very awesome.
- I found out today that in our office we have a chick named Senior and a dude named Junior. That’s right; Junior and Senior in one office. Small things amuse me.
- I discovered that I now work with an awesome bunch of people. There are a couple that freak me out a little bit (they are very full on), but as a whole, I could see myself being friends with most of them. I nicknamed them in my head already. Is it bad that I have names for them in my head before I even really know them?
- Lastly, I have a really awesome night out with NOG waiting for me tomorrow night. I have slight worries about feeling/being left out, due to the intense rapport between him and his new friend and my recent disappearance (meaning that they get along incredibly well, there has been a pattern formed where I am not involved in their friendship at all, and I don’t really know her while he adores her), but it should be a good night either way.
So, Lighten up, Thursday, and share your excellent moments of the week with me!
Filed under: Issues, fake it til you make it, hijacking thought trains, it has been brought to my attention..., reflecting
Today, I was searching through my blogs as per usual, and came across NOG talking about denial. I suggest you head over and check it out before you read this, as it will make a lot more sense. Besides, it’s his train of thought I’m hijacking for today 
He makes a good point – when does denial go from being a healthy way to get by to a form of self sabotage?
My question is, how do you know when you are in denial about something? I am lucky, in that my friends are very honest with me when I am looking at something in the wrong way. It can be harsh sometimes, but in a good way; if you don’t have anyone to set you straight, you could continue believing falsehoods forever and a day. A lot of people have this, be it from friends or family or partners, and sometimes we work it out all on our lonesome. But, how do you know what you are really in denial about? It’s a complex question, so I will explain what I’m getting at.
Denial comes in more than one form. For example, you could be in denial about the fact that you have put on weight, and show off your muffin top with no shame. On the other hand, you could be in denial about how big you are – you could see yourself as a big blob, when in reality it’s not that bad. You could be in denial about the kind of career you could feasibly have – dreaming of being a rock star, but with no chance of seeing it come true. By the same token, you could be delegating yourself to a lifetime of mediocrity, when in fact you have everything it takes to make it. There are some people who spend their lives chasing something they will never have (whether from lack of talent, lack of opportunity, whatever) or thinking they are something they are not, but there are others who spend their lives convincing themselves that they can never have the things they are capable of having because they *convince* themselves they don’t have the talent, opportunities or whatever else.
How do you know when you are denying your problems, or when you are denying your potential?
For example, I “know” that I am in denial about my weight – I see myself as much larger than I actually am. I am not under the illusion that I’m not overweight, but I’m not as big as I think I am.
With my singing, I know that I am an OK singer, but I am not the superstar I think I am sometimes.
I know that I am not as important to certain people as I like to convince myself I am. And that is not so much a bad thing, as it is a healthy thing.
I know that for all of the exciting, wonderful things I wish I could do in my life, I probably won’t achieve half of them.
Right down to the fact that I probably don’t look as awesome in that dress as I thought I did when I walked out the door.
I look at it as being honest with myself. Realising when I’m just trying to make myself feel better, so that I can fix the problems.
But, am I right? Am I convincing myself that I’m not that big because I didn’t like the idea of being as big as I saw myself? Am I really just an average singer, am I using that to justify why I gave up singing (except for a few bouts of drunken karaoke) as a way not to face answering “why don’t you sing anymore”, or would looking at it any other way simply be denying the fact that I’m not good enough to make it? Am I really not that important to people, or am I justifying the fact that I haven’t been able to give them the attention they deserve? Could I really do all of those things, do I just want an excuse in case I don’t manage to do them, or are they really ambitions that are above my head?
It works for any scenario. You could convince yourself a relationship is salvageable when it’s long over or just not good for you. You could convince yourself a relationship is over because it’s easier than working through it, or you convince yourself it can’t be worked through. You could change uni degrees because you realise you were kidding yourself when you chose that degree. You could change because you think it’s not for you, when really you aren’t putting enough work into it. You could choose a career because you are being realistic about what you can do. You could choose one because it’s easier/less risky/more available than the one you really want. You could convince yourself you have a talent that you don’t have because you wish you had it. Or you could convince yourself you don’t have as much talent as you thought, because of what having that talent would mean for your ambitions or your view of how your life is progressing.
It’s hard to know, especially when you have opinions coming at you from all different directions. People telling you that you have talent, and others trying to bring you back to earth. Some people who see you as big, and others who see you as average. Some people who encourage you, others who put you off, and even others who change their minds constantly.
So, that is my question for you today. When do you know you are in denial? How do you know when you are convincing yourself that you can have/can do/ are something you aren’t, and how do you know when you are convincing yourself that you can’t/shouldn’t do something because it’s easier, less risky, sounds more reasonable, or simply justifies why you aren’t doing it?
Filed under: Uncategorized
First of all, we have (another) new layout for GSW. What do we all think?
Anywho, this Thursday, I bring you the fabulousness that is Ben from No Ordinary Rollercoaster!!! I know that you’re all reading his blog, right? You’re not? Well, you’d better head on over there fast, because you’re missing the absolute awesomeness that is NOR.
This week, he has been busting his hump trying to fulfil his promise for way too many personalised videos for his readers. I curse myself that I didn’t get in in time to ask him a question myself. However, that doesn’t stop me from enoying the video glory, and sharing it with you!
First of all, probably my favourite purely for the total snuggie-ness of it, Ben attempts Beyonce’s Single Ladies dance. Move over, SNL.
Come on now, You know that was awesome. You’re basking in it, arent you?
Secondly, the most compelling argument I’ve ever heard. It contains my favourite explanation EVER.
Lastly, the remake of Belle Renee’s famous vlog from the 20sb Vlog Day. If you haven’t seen the original, you’ve been under a rock. Or, you’re simply not a part of 20sb. Which you should be. Join us! The original was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, and this one is a close second.
Just by the way, after seeing Belle Renee’s video, this became one of my new favourite songs.
I hope that I, with the help of my blog crush over at NOR, have helped to lighten up your day. Lighten up, Thursday, it’s almost Friday!!
