Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: growth, moving, new blog, new years, reflecting
Note: This will be my last post on this blog. Never fear, I am not giving up on blogging, or taking some kind of break, or going away for any extended period of time. Rather, Girl Shakes World has a new home at my new site girlshakesworld.com. I hope all of you who have been following me here, will move on over there with me. The new blog has a slightly different ‘attitude’ about it; mostly because I have spent the past six months of blogging ‘finding my voice’ and determining my place in the blogging world. The new blog represents me more so than this blog has.
So, tomorrow is New Years Eve. Wow, this year has flown by fast. I know people say that every year, but the past two years have really just sped by if you ask me.
I’ve focussed so far on the fact that it’s the end of a decade, and how much I’ve grown and changed over the past ten years. However, this year alone has brought a lot of change.
A year ago today, I had only just met the Prince, I was living near the city, my kids were on holidays at my parents’ place and I was working at a law firm in the city. Everything felt so unstable and I honestly didn’t think that anything was going to stay the way it was. Everything in my life was fluid. I was partying every weekend while my kids were away, more as a way to make myself feel better and be around people than because I actually wanted to party as it were. I was living a mere five minutes away from my best friend, and seeing him every day, and the friend who was staying at my house was becoming less and less welcome.
Since then, my position at the law firm was made redundant. I did the meet the parents thing. I moved to the coast with the Prince. My children came home from my parents’. I cut all ties with the friend who was staying with me. I enrolled in Uni again. My oldest started at preschool. There were two pregnancies and two engagements in my immediate family. Then a wedding, and then two babies were born – my niece and nephew. My Mum moved back in with my Dad. The Prince started his own business. I got a new job. My youngest started at Kindergarten. We got a car. The Prince and his sister started talking again after a year of not speaking to each other. I got another new, better job close to home.
And now it’s New Years.
A year can change a lot. Even when it seems like nothing has really happened, over a year so many things can change.
What has your year brought for you? Has anything changed dramatically for you? Is everything basically the same? Has your year been fairly boring, or has it been a rollercoaster?
So, we have reached the end of a decade. Or at least, we will in about a week from now. You know, either way really. I reserve the right to get excited about things early.
In appropriate fashion, I was sitting down to write a post about how great the last decade was, how much fun we all had, and how the next one will be even better. That was until I actually thought about what I was going to write about.
Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t tend to sit and dwell on the bad things that happen. I love to see the glass as half full. But I have to admit that looking back over the past ten years was fairly depressing. For real, everyone, what on earth has happened?
Let me start with world events. We just couldn’t catch a break, could we? In order, there was September 11, the Bali bombings, the invasion of Iraq, the Asian tsunami, the London bombings and hurricane Katrina, Cyclone Larry in north Queensland, the Virginia Tech massacre, the global financial crisis and Australia’s worst natural disaster – the fires in Victoria. Then there was the smaller things, like the Beaconsfield mine disaster (Aussies will get that one), the Columbia shuttle disaster, mad cow disease, bird flu, swine flu…and the fact that celebrities seem to be dropping like flies; Steve Irwin, Heath Ledger, Christopher Reeves, Kathrine Hepburn, Michael Jackson and Brittany Murphy just to name a few.
Okay, that’s enough to make you sit back on go “oh my freaking god what the bleep is going on?”
So I decided to take a look at my own life. Surely there is good to be found there. But, of course, being in a rather bummed mood after taking a look at the world we’ve been living in, I came up with a rather dreary picture of my own decade.
I was diagnosed with depression, my parents split up, I dropped out of Uni, I moved in with an abusive boyfriend, I dealt with that relationship for the next three years or so, lost a baby, was cheated on numerous times, diagnosed with pre cervical cancer, broke off an engagement, became a young single mother (which is apparently the worst thing to be, depending on who you ask), found out I had post natal depression…along with some random drama here and there.
Jeez. This decade has really sucked, hasn’t it?
Ok, just breathe. It’s not that bad. Let’s have a look at all the good things, shall we? There is no bad without good, surely?
So, good world events. Barack Obama was elected as the US president. Gay marriage was made legal in Canberra, Australia – the first place in the country to do so. Both excellent things. What else? ….right, let’s just move right on.
My own life. Surely it hasn’t been that bad, or else I would be massively crazy by now. And I don’t mean good crazy, I mean bat shit crazy.
Well, in the past decade I have developed my musical resume as it were. I have started writing music, performing on stage and in public. I have had two beautiful children, who I wouldn’t exchange for anything – even if it means I have people looking down on me for it. I have met the love of my life. I have managed to come through all of those bad things without being bitter or having a complete utter break down. I have made some truly magical memories with a number of awesome friends. I have managed to rise above. I have grown up, and simply grown.
In essence, this decade has taught me many different things.
I haven’t had a great time in the classical sense. I may have seemed like I was a little bit behind everyone else up until now, like I took a wrong turn somewhere along the line. But, I am not ashamed of having kids young, or having been a single mother, or not having a great career early, or even having finished Uni at the same time all of my friends did. People see these things as bad things, but I don’t.
Yes, I got pregnant young, but I took care of my responsibilities, faced up to the consequences of my actions, and have raised two stable, polite and sweet young boys despite the fact that I was a teen mum. I may have been a single mother, but I was smart enough to get out of a bad relationship, and never repeated that mistake. I may not have finished Uni when everyone else did, but I went back. And now, I think, I have a step ahead of everyone else because I am going in to it knowing what I want. In the end, I have a family and a great job, I have travelled, I’m at uni studying exactly what I want, I know what I want and I have no complaints about my life at all. I may not have started at the top, but I worked my way up, and I feel much more fulfilled with that – I appreciate what I’ve got.
I have learned lessons that others will take years to learn, I have experienced things others won’t for years from now, and I have been through things that have meant I need to know what I want and where I’m going while others are still trying to find their way. And I’m only 23. The last decade has been all about learning, and growing, and working my way up. But I’ve managed to do all that by now, and I’ve only just started. All that means is that the next ten years can be all about enjoying myself, knowing that I’m not going to have to go through any of those things again.
So, the noughties haven’t been that great. But they haven’t ended the world either. So, bring on the next year, and the next decade! I can sense a great year coming on.
Now, over to you guys. What are your best and worst moments of the past decade? What have you learned, and how are you different now than you were ten years ago?
Filed under: Family, being mummy, ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, it has been brought to my attention..., reflecting, say what? | Tags: christmas, christmas eve, santa, traditions
Today, I was thinking about different Christmas traditions.
Isn’t it funny how when we are children, we just assume that every other family does it the same way we do? I never realised that there were small traditions my family had that are different to the way others did things on the holidays.
I was talking to the Prince’s mum the other day about what we are going to do for Christmas, since it will be the first holiday my boys and I have spent there, and we really had no idea about how the other did things. I was shocked that the way we did things was so different.
In my household, we never opened presents before Christmas morning. We would have a Santa sack at the end of our bed where Santa left all the toys and a stocking next to the Christmas tree where we’d get lollies – no presents, only lollies. In the morning, we would wake up early and check out the presents in our Santa sack, and then when my dad woke up we could finally eat the lollies from our stockings. Damn my father and his sleeping in on Christmas. The presents under the tree got handed out one by one in order, so we could all see what the others got. Lunch would be our big Christmas meal. Of course, I have followed this same tradition with my own children (except for the waiting for Dad to wake up thing…I don’t believe in cruel and unusual treatment of children on Christmas :P)
Apparently in the Prince’s household, things were done differently. They have their big Christmas meal on Christmas Eve, and open their presents from each other after dinner. Then on Christmas morning their presents from Santa would be under the tree, and they had other small presents in their stockings.
Opening presents on Christmas Eve? No big Christmas lunch? REALLY?! And no Santa sack at the end of your bed? Why!?
In my house, Santa came down the chimney; in their house he had a magic key. In our house we got one present from our parents, and heaps from Santa. In their house, it was the other way around. We had to buy presents for everyone, they had a children only rule. We ate roast chicken, they have every food imaginable.
Apparently, the Santa sack is an Irish tradition that got passed down to us through my Mum, and so are lollies in the stocking. I would never have known that. But this year, we are joining both traditions together, so my kids will get a completely different experience of the holidays than both the Prince or I got. Who wants to bet they grow up to think everyone does it the same way?
So, this prompts me to ask – what are your family Christmas traditions? Do you know where they came from/why your family does things that way? Have you made any new traditions of your own?
Filed under: Best of 09 | Tags: new things, regrets?, resolutions, smoking, study, weightloss
I have skipped a little bit ahead with the best of ’09 posts…simply because a lot of them were not things I have answers to, or I didn’t think really applied to me. Therefore tonight, here it is – the last best of ’09 post and which resolution I wish I had stuck with this year.
Now, I am one of those people who make sure to have all of my resolutions worked out by New Years Eve. Every year. Without fail. Do I always stick to them? Of course not. In fact, most years by the time it hits March I have forgotten what half of them were. Do I stick to any of them? Actually, yes.
This year I made four quite simple resolutions; to do at least one new thing every month, to lose weight, to start studying again, and to quit smoking. I managed to do one new thing each month, including learning to surf, learning to beat box, dyeing my hair pink and starting this blog. I started back at uni in May, and I’ve managed to lose 90% of the weight I wanted to this year. The only resolution I didn’t achieve was quitting smoking.
I make the same resolution every year – I will quit smoking. I must quit smoking. It will do me good to quit smoking. I have to quit smoking.
Each year I try. I don’t just forget about it, or brush it aside. But, either way, after five years of making the same resolution, I am still a smoker. I know, I know…it’s a dirty habit, it’s killing me slowly, I just need more willpower…I usually last about a week or two before I give in. That is my answer every year – which resolution do I wish I had stuck with? Quitting smoking. Will I quit this year? Chances are that I won’t. I’m not going to lie and say “this year will definitely be the year. By next New Years I will be a non smoker”. I will leave it on my list of resolutions, because I know that one day I will do it. I don’t plan on being 70 years old with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, but whether or not I manage to do it this year still remains to be seen.
So there you go, my lovelies. The best moments of ’09, according to GSW. I hope it made you think about your year a little bit more than you might have, and I hope you hopped along to check out some of the other best of 09 posts by other members of 20sb.
Now, as a final thought – what resolutions did you make last year? Did you keep them, forget about them, or just decide against them? Which resolution do you wish you had kept or, if you didn’t make any, which resolution/s did you wish you had made?
Filed under: Best of 09
Oh gosh, to tell you the truth I have been dreading today’s topic. My biggest learning experience of the year…I have had a couple of learning experiences this year, and they were not fun. Needless to say they were obviously things I needed to learn, and therefore you can’t really label them as bad, but that doesn’t make them any more pleasurable experiences.
I was actually debating whether or not to cover this topic at all. But, what have I got to lose, really?
I know that most of my posts about the year 2009 have been upbeat and positive and all about growth and calm and centring myself…but I can look at things that way because of the things I had to sift through to get to this point. Up until this year I have had too many things going on, too many ‘problems’ to sort through to really get to the heart of the problems, if that makes sense. This year, I haven’t had that drama surrounding me. I have had time to evaluate things, to look at myself, to really look at other people, to see why I do the things I do and why I get myself in to certain situations, and so on. Perception is a funny thing, as a good friend of mine once said. It hasn’t been pleasant all of the time.
The first lesson I learned was to say what’s on my mind. I had become so used to having to watch my words, being scared of causing conflict in any way, shape or form. This year I have learned that I cause more problems by not saying what’s on my mind than I do by being honest. I don’t mean that in the way that I should start just saying everything no matter what – there is still a line. What I mean is, if I have a problem I should express it. If someone takes it badly, that can be dealt with. But at least it’s out in the open, and it can be dealt with. Rather than worrying about how people are going to react to what I have to say, I should simply express it, explain it the best I can and let them decide how to deal with it.
If I am trying to be nice to someone because I am worried about what will happen if I don’t, I just end up disliking them more. If I am not expressing worries about people because I am worried they won’t agree, or I am worried they will react badly, I simply end up either condoning things I don’t agree with, or end up letting people get into bad situations. Even worse, I end up being in those situations with them. If I am upset at someone and I don’t tell them, it just ends up driving a wedge between me and them, or it ends up coming out passive aggressively. If I don’t tell someone I have a problem, it never gets solved, and I end up just feeling more and more upset about it. And I inadvertently give them permission to keep doing whatever it is I am having a problem with. With all of these things, I end up setting precedents in my behaviour and reactions that make it perfectly acceptable for these things to keep happening.
I know it sounds like a fairly standard thing to know, but I had become so accustomed to playing nice, keeping my opinions to myself, trying to keep the peace and worrying about the consequences of my words, that it really has taken me this long to understand that I need to ditch those habits, for my own sake. It has taken me this long to realise that my feelings are just as valid and important as those of the people around me – I should not have to compromise my own feelings to save everyone else’s ALL of the time. I should not have to apologise for the way I feel.
The second lesson I learned is a little harder for me to explain. What I mean is, I am not sure how to classify it. It is kind of lots of lessons in one. I guess the only thing to do is explain it.
I was having a bad time. I had a bad night. My bad night led to a wedge between my best friend and I. No, I’m not going to go into details about it again, I am simply going to tell you what I personally took away from it. Once again, I could sit here and apologise, or say what is expected of me…but I am going to be completely honest, otherwise sharing this lesson with you is pointless.
There are lots of things I could name as lessons that night taught me. But to be honest, they are not things I didn’t already know. Everyone has a bad night every now and then. I can’t think of one person who hasn’t. Yes, I was, and am, sorry and embarrassed for my behaviour. Yes, I was at fault. Nothing I am about to say takes away from the fact that I took complete and total responsibility for my own actions. What really got to me was the week that followed that night. The fact that my best friend chose to express an entirely horrid picture of me based on that one night. The fact that he said that one night was just the straw that broke the camel’s back – that he had been slowly coming to that conclusion for a while. The fact that he chose to cut off contact with me, even if only for a while, based on that. I am not in any way saying that he wasn’t justified in being horrified by my behaviour, or even wanting to not speak with me for a while; it simply shocked me that that was his reaction.
I thought about it completely honestly, and to tell you the truth had the situation been the other way around, I would have talked to him about why he acted that way. I would have defended him to the other people who witnessed it, explaining he just had a bad night. I probably would have teased him endlessly about it for a while. But I know him, and I know that he is never like that, and wouldn’t be unless there was something more to it. I guess, the fact that he reacted in the completely opposite way than I would have completely threw me for a loop. I thought that at the very least there would have been a conversation – it’s like he said once himself; some people see something and only see the surface, and they get upset about it or jump to conclusions. Others who know you will see past that and realise that there is more to it, and ask why. But, what came out was more that where I had been expressing concern, he had been seeing jealousy. Where I saw an equal relationship, he saw a one sided one. Where I saw one problem, he saw many.
Do I blame him for the way he reacted? No. Do I love him any less because of it? No. But it did teach me something. It gave me a slightly different view of our friendship, but I suppose that is healthy. It taught me that no matter how close your relationship with someone, you never really know how they perceive your actions. It also taught me that the closer you are to someone, the higher the expectations you put on them. Not only him on me, but me on him as well, judging by how I reacted to his decisions after that night.
So, the lessons I have learned this year are all about honesty. Speaking your mind and not being afraid of what people will think of you because of it. Being honest about the people around you, to avoid being disappointed and causing problems where there should be none. Being honest about the intentions of your actions/words and not simply assuming that people know what is going on inside your head.
What lessons did you learn this year? Were they hard lessons, or just ones that reinforced what you already knew?
Filed under: Best of 09, Family, They made me do it, being mummy, music time! | Tags: awards, Best of 09, new people
Best new person of the year – I feel like I’m giving out an award of some kind. Just give me a second while I put on my gown and organise some musical entertainment….Will a sundress and a mix CD do? It’s all I could do on short notice, sorry guys.
Our first nominee for best new person of the year is the absolutely gorgeous little Angel! She made a rather prolonged entrance into the world about three months ago, and stole my heart (pause for the aww). I waited rather impatiently for nine months, stayed up for three days straight and travelled three hours on a train to meet her, for her to make me a very, very proud aunty. She has got to be just the cutest little girl I have ever seen (for real people, have you seen the pictures?) and she really is an absolute angel – the quietest, most easy going, smiling-est baby I have seen in a very long time. Once I get a hold of her, I just can’t put her down. I love her like she was my own. On another level than that, she made me realise just how much I adore and appriciate my own kids – when you have children of your own, and then someone very close to you has a baby, for some reason it makes you relive all of those little moments in time right along with them. I saw in Angel’s mummy exactly what I was like when I had mychildren, and I have to admit it is shameful how much of that emotion you lose unless someone reminds you of it.
Up second is Bobalicious (and yes, I just totally added that word to my dictionary). I met him at my new job, and he had to be my favourite work friend ever. I’m not sure whether it was because I met him at a time when I needed to know that I could make new friends, or whether it was his English humour and uncanny resemblance to the Prince, but he made work totally bearable. He also made me realise that the people I think are going to want nothing to do with me, really do (what can I say, I still revert to the geeky girl who the popular kids don’t like role sometimes). He made me realise that maybe, just maybe, I’m not as awkward and annoying as I think I am sometimes, and at the point in time I met him I really needed to know that.
The third nominee is Haydee at Dracula’s Restaurant. Not only was she a massively cool chick, and runs the coolest restaurant of all time, but she made me realise that my dream is possible. I know that a lot of people will be rolling their eyes, just as they were for my original audition post last week, but although it’s great to be acknowledged by family and friends, it’s even better to be validated by someone who not only doesn’t know you, but would be willing to pay you to do something you love. I’m sure a lot of people have had that moment, where they realise that what they want is actually a possibility and not a dream you have to push aside. She gave me that possibility, and I think that makes her one of my favourite new people of the year.
And the winner is…*drum roll*
My little Angel!! Oh, come on, we all knew it was coming. She is the only new person this year that I can honestly say I fell in love with and will love forever. Aww. She is my beautiful, gorgeous angel of a niece and I adore her. Winner, hands down.
How about you, who was your favourite new person of the year? More importantly, I think, why are they your new favourite person? Why did they become so important to you; did they make you realise something about yourself, did they bring something new in to your life, did they fill some kind of void, did they teach you something or make you appreciate something more?
Filed under: Best of 09, Life, isnt it ironic, part of being me, reflecting | Tags: end of year, one word, settling down, theme
Trying to pick one word that sums up the entire year is no easy feat.
I could say that this year was growth. But isn’t every year about growth of some kind? I don’t think it’s really specific enough. I could say fun, but that’s a copout answer really. Maybe I could say that it was lost, because I didn’t really achieve a whole lot by way of things I can actually substantiate to other people. Also, I have lost most of this year by losing track of time completely for large spaces of time. But I don’t think that saying a whole year is lost is fair. Besides, I do feel like I have moved forward, so that can’t equal a lost year, can it?
There are so many words that can define a twelve month period of time. New, different, change, interesting, unpredictable…
I don’t think that I could pick a word that could be used to describe any year at all. I mean, every year is completely different, so to describe your year with a word that could technically refer to any year at all is kind of pointless. I prefer to define my year by a theme.
If you think about it, each year has a different theme to it. Well, most of the time. For example, for me last year was liberation – the entire year was encompassed by me re-finding myself as it were; going back to work, moving back to be near my friends and family, moving away from bad situations, and so on.
This year, my theme has been settling down. You may have picked up on that from previous posts. Looking back over the past twelve months, there is no other way to describe it. I have settled into the first relationship I’ve really had that involved committing myself to it completely. I have stayed home more, become more focussed, gone back to school and started looking for a long term career instead of just a pay check. I have committed myself to staying in one place for a long period of time instead of moving erratically around the country. I have actually made long term plans.
Sure, I haven’t really done anything very exciting. Sure, I haven’t been any where exotic. I may not have completely made myself over, or reinvented my image, or have any epic stories to tell about 2009. But this year I have made sure to set things up so that in the years to come I can have and do all of those things. I have settled myself, focussed myself and begun to really understand myself. I have stopped running away. I feel like I finally have a centre, and I feel like I can finally start looking at the future in a positive way.
I have dropped the baggage, dealt with problems, accepted that I am an actual adult, not a pretend one, and that I need to start acting like one. I have made decisions that need to be made, said things that need to be said, and opened myself up. I have learned to accept that not everything is the end of the world. I feel safe, I feel happy and I feel like I have really gotten somewhere without going anywhere at all.
So that is my year. 2009 – the year of settling down.
What was the theme of your year this year? Or, if you prefer to stick with the original idea, what is the one word that sums up 2009 for you?
Filed under: Best of 09, Family | Tags: home, house, living arrangements, moving
The best change I made to the place I live this year…is actually hard to decide. So I am going to choose two. Booyah, take that, rules.
The first is fairly obvious; actually changing the place I live aka moving. Of course, this is nothing really new for me – I think I’ve moved at least once a year every year since I left home. Yep, I am a serial house mover. I moved from a tiny, falling down house in a nice suburb in the city fringe, to a two storey house smack bang in the middle of the coastal suburbs. From a three bedroom wooden house that must have been built at least forty years ago* to a new four bedroom townhouse that wouldn’t have been built any more than two years ago. Excellent. I lost the city living, but I gained an ensuite, a walk in closet and a staircase**.
The second best change I made to the place I live wasn’t so much physical. It was taking back my house; over the past two years, I have had various people living/staying for extended amounts of time in my home. This year, I finally took back the house so to speak. All the extended visitors either left, asked to leave, or were plainly kicked out. You have no idea what a relief it was to do that for a person who has become extremely accustomed to living alone/with a lot of personal space. I no longer have to worry about leaving things lying around, or worry about when everyone is getting home, or try and act civilised when I just feel like chucking a tanty. I don’t have to care who isn’t pulling their weight, or whose share of which bill hasn’t been paid, or whose turn it is to buy what. I don’t have to act cheerful in the mornings, or keep the noise down after a certain time of night, or worry about other people inviting over people I don’t want to see. It’s very liberating. I mean, of course I still have the Prince, but I can do (or not have to do) all of those things around him.
A new house with only me and my little family***. That is the best change I have made to the place I live this year. I’m sure this wasn’t really what they were getting at with this topic, but you can’t exactly renovate a rented place, can you?
*I could be wrong, this is just a guesstimate. But it was a damn old house.
**At this point I should probably point out that I am absolutely obsessed with two storey houses. To this day I am not sure why, but ever since I was a child I have wanted to live in a two storey house. I have used living in apartments as a kind of decoy until now. I love my staircase. Yes, I am slightly insane.
***Completely off topic, but why do people always refer to my family as a little family? “You and your little family.” I mean, I have an average sized family, two adults and two children. Does anyone else find it a little condescending? Just me? I just find that people only really say that to younger families. I wouldn’t turn around to my uncle for example and say “oh, how’s your little family?”. I think it just comes off as a little bit like they don’t really consider it quite a real family yet. End rant.
